One year (and two days) ago I was laying in bed NOT sleeping. I was getting ready to have my second child the next morning and was completely panicking over how I was to love and raise another baby. How was it possible to love and treat them equally?l I knew the love would come. But I didn't understand how.
Fast forward a year.
Now, My baby is one.
How can that be? Just yesterday we were painting his nursery and decorating with cool rock and roll decor.
He is so not rock and roll. We should have decorated Uriah's room in rock and roll.
It never occurred to me that they would be different. Uriah was a little rocker, and always so big. He was so growny.
Ezra is not.
Ez didn't grow at a ridiculous pace like his brother. Ezra didn't meet all the milestones at the same exact moments that Riah did. (But he did beat a lot of them, and in true Ezra fashion he slept through the night at 13 days. Beating Uriah's record by one day.He is refusing to be in his brother's shadow!)
Uriah is content to play on his own (most of the time) and Ezra wants to be with you. No matter who "you" is. Ezra wants your attention and Lord help us all, he is a social eater.
If you're eating, he's eating.
I make all these comparisons to say, it is impossible to love them equally. They are not equal in every way. I remember once when tobi's daddy said " We didn't love you kids equally, we loved you fairly."
That is so true. Uriah needs me in ways Ezra does not. Ezra needs me in ways Uriah does not. Each of them needs more love in different ways. It took me a bit to figure out that they are different children.
I'm a slow learner.
I don't have to treat them equally. One day I may spend more time loving on Ezra because he needs it. The next days Uriah may need extra cuddles and one more kiss. Some days he kisses me every time he leaves a room. Some days E won't let me put him down. On those days I try to soak in the hugs. Most days, riah would rather me do a puzzle with him or color where as Ezra would rather be tickled and smooched. Some days it's the opposite.
I'm always learning. Each day my kids change and each day I am running behind them trying to catch up.
Poor Uriah is my practice child. I feel like I have learned more about myself as a parent in the last year than I did the first two. I react to things differently with Ezra than I did with riah.
Maybe it's because he's the baby.
And I want him to be little forever.
But he's not going to be..
He's growing every day, and I will take you on a journey of cuteness to prove it.
The first time we met.
His newborn pictures.
Happy (late) birthday sweet baby boy. I can't believe how fast your first year went. You have been such a blessing to our family this year and we are so grateful that you are ours. You have filled a void none of us knew existed. I don't remember life without you, and I'm ok with that. I pray you always feel that you are loved fairly, and that you never feel pressured to be the exact same as your brother. You are your own little person and that's just how God made you.
Be you.
We love you more than you will ever comprehend, and I am honored that God gave you to me.
