Who needs balance anyways?

I've been thinking about this blog for days. I was going to write about finding balance in my life..I had gymnastics references and everything. It was going to be so enlightening and you all were going to relate to it and it was going to change the way you viewed life.

Okay, maybe not. But I really did have the gymnastics references.

I've been feeling like a court jester for weeks-juggling a million things at once. I finally broke down and kind of shared my feelings with Tobi last night. But not entirely. Bless the man, the Lord REALLY knew what he was doing when he set us up. He tried his hardest to help, offered his opinion and tried to be encouraging.

I wasn't having it. I was convinced he didn't understand what I meant and what I needed to hear. I left the conversation, took a shower and we went to bed. Oh but quite contrary to what I thought, my husband knew what I needed to hear after all. I just didn't realize it until today.

Today, my enlightening blog about balance, got taken off of life support. I've been trying to find the balance between being a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, a babysitter, a teacher, and a Christ follower. Today, as I cried out to God again while washing dishes..I finally heard God's answer. Note the wording.

NOT God finally gave me an answer. But I finally heard the one He's been giving me all along.

I've never heard God audibly speak to me. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle it. Part of me hopes I never hear him until I am entering Heaven, so that it won't be this earthly body that has to deal with it. Pretty sure I'd explode. Some of you are thinking "That's crazy. God doesn't talk to people anymore." Guess what? You're wrong. Now I'm not saying everyone who claims to have heard God speak, is telling the truth. But I am saying that Hebrews tells us that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So if God chose to, he could most certainly talk to me today.

Anyways..like I said, I've never heard Him speak (felt him tell me things, absolutely. But never in an audible voice), but if I did I imagine it would go a little something like this.

"April, I love you. But you sure are an idiot. Do you really think I want you to find a way to balance me into your life? Do you really think that I am here for YOU?

Do you really think that you can fit ME into a box and place me on a shelf until you have time to spend with me? I don't desire to be balanced into your life. I want to be involved in every aspect of your life. I want to help you be a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, a babysitter, a teacher and a Christ follower. When people look at you, I want them to see me. That's why I sent my son for you. So that we could have a relationship. Not so you could decide when and where you need me, when you can't handle it alone. I desire to spend every minute with you.

Stop making excuses, you either want to be with me or you don't."

Now my prayer is that I can lean upon him, and invite him into every part of my life. Not just the parts I'm comfortable with. But every part. No more juggling.