Who needs six flags when you've had a summer like this

So it has been a long hot summer, and its not over yet. The past few weeks have seen Uriah'sfirst dentist appointment, first time off the diving board, first scraped knee and much more. Tobi has resigned from the youth pastor position and we are now on the scary yet exciting path of trying to find a new church home. We love St Luke but when the Lord says go, you pack your stuff and you say lead the way.
    I think its safe to say we have experienced every emotion possible this summer. Fear, excitement, confusion, support, and my personal least favorite, agony..
   I have been meaning to blog, its theraputic and there's a ton of things I have wanted to blog about. This is not one of them. Tobi and I found out on July 2nd that we were expecting our second baby due March 8th. We told the world shortly after.. our first pregnancy was picture perfect with no complications so this one had to be the same so why wait? I will spare the details but we recently found out that there will no longer be a baby in our family this March.
We had almost a full week from the time we suspected til the miscarriage was confirmed,and I really think that helped us come to terms with it. It is not easy and to be honest the only reason I'm writing about it is to get the info to the masses that a few days ago were still congratulating us.
 We have been overwhelmed with the support we have been given by those who already know, and I can't even begin to say how comforting it has been. But I will say the most comfort has been given by the one who breathed life into the precious boy napping in the next room. I can't fathom the reasons He has for letting us bear this pain, but I am confident in the fact that He loves us more than we can comprehend and he has held us thus far and I don't believe He is ready to let go. We will be ok. If God is for us who can be against us? Haley Terry posted her blog about their first week as house parents ( so excited for you guys still!) and something she said stuck out to me. "God's plan isn't always get pregnant, havebaby, raise baby". This hit me between the eyes. All of the sudden I was Israel demanding a king. Tobi and I had a plan. When Uriah was one we wanted another baby. God's counsel was never sought. I am NOT  saying that was the reason this happened, I am saying it has caused me to step back and evaluate our actions. We want more children, our plan is to adopt eventually, maybe we will adopt before another biological child. Maybe we won't. My point is, we are seeking God's will for our lives..please be in prayer for us as we mourn our loss and seek where the Lord wants us to go from here.

"As for God, His way is perfect.The word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for those eho trust in him." Psalm 18:30

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."  Job 1:21

What A Difference A Year Makes

I've heard my mom say those words before.. "What a difference a year makes". She's pretty smart you know. The past few years of my life have had major changes, and each year I look back and think man what a difference from last  year. I'll give you some examples.

February 2009 I met Tobi.

March 2010 I married Tobi.

Then on May 24th, 2011 this happened.

Man, what a difference.

If anyone ever asked me before what type of mother I would be, I would have never guessed correctly.

I was an extremist who did not want that sweet baby rocked..for fear of rocking a 3 year old to sleep. I never washed pappies unless they have gook covering them. The boys hair has probably been brushed an amount of times you can count on two hands in his entire life, because it looks stupid combed down.I started him on 2% milk at 9 months.I don't panic when he trips or falls over or is pushed over unless there is blood. Maybe you're thinking I really shouldn't be allowed to have a child.

But I think my kid is pretty cool. Here's why.

He is absolutely hilarious. I didn't know it was possible for a baby to be so funny. But he is.

He sleeps through the night..and has since he was two weeks old. And he sleeps in his own bed. And I lay him down awake and he puts himself to sleep. Best parenting decision ever.

He is SO CUTE.

His first word was mama, at six months.

He is so advanced he already knows how to throw himself on the floor throwing a fit when he doesn't get what he wants.

He's had more spankings than I can count and he still loves us..imagine that all you folks who don't think spanking works.

He looks hilarious walking around..so funny something so small(ish) can get around so quickly.

He gets so proud of himself over things and claps..I like that a lot.

He likes to give hugs to his mama..and that makes my heart feel like it could burst.

He says byebye and waves...after the person leaves.

I never could have imagined how obsessed I would be with a little person..but I am. My day revolves around his nap schedule, eating schedule, and anything dangerous we can accomplish to make sure people don't think we are getting soft and becoming good parents..maybe we are. I sure had my doubts in the beginning. I remember being in the hospital and feeling so bad that I didn't cry when I saw Vestimus for the first time..I wanted to cry, but only because they told me he was 9lbs 8oz and had red hair. I just knew I had a fat ugly red headed baby..that looked like this:

Haha He did look crazy here, but I knew I loved him. And the more I stared, the more I loved. But still no tears. In fact, the first tears I shed as a parent were because a nurse was mean to me. Good ol' hormones.

The next ones I shed were because I was convinced my baby would die before his first doctors appointment. Good ol' hematomas.

Tears quickly subsided when I figured out how FUN it was to dress a baby.

And how fun it was when he let me do mean things to him.

And also how fun it is to see them do the first things..crawl for the first time, walk for the first time, say his 1st word, first smile,roll over for the first time..now that is fun. And thats when the tears came.

Now that the tears have arrived, they won't go away. I cry when I think of people losing their babies..in the womb, out of the womb to horrible accidents, or fatal disease. I beg God every time I pray for one of these sweet families (all too often lately) that he never let me go through that, or Uriah. I don't know that I would survive anything happening to that precious baby. To never see that smile again, to never come home to a shriek and him running to me across the room. I guess a mother's heart worries more than others..because I think about these things everynight when I go to bed after checking on Moses to make sure hes ok. I thank God every single time I pray for the gift he gave Tobi and me. Its ridiculous to think we are in charge of another life..and that we haven't  screwed it up yet.

We aren't perfect parents. And Vestimus is far from the perfect child (see fit throwing reference above). But I believe that Uriah is healthy, and happy and knows that he is loved. And I believe he loves us too. So maybe we shouldn't be allowed to have a child..but we do. And I have loved every difference this year has made. This life is indeed different, but this life is wonderful.

Happy birthday sweet, sweet, boy. We love you more than we ever imagined we could love anything.

Holy Cow Its Almost Been a Year!

 BIRTHDAY PREPARATIONS HAVE BEGUN.
I kind of want to throw up when I think about the fact that my giant baby who has looked like a toddler since birth, is actually now a toddler for real. In twenty days we will celebrate his first birthday, and in twenty two days he will have his first birthday party. Sheesh.

We were supposed to have his pictures made today, but it was supposed to rain (which it didn't of course!) so we rescheduled. I thought, hey, I can just go ahead and make a test run smash cake to see if I can do it or not..

I couldn't do it. Haha I'm thinking I do not have a career in cake making! Thank God for my aunt Lisa who is awesome at it and will be making his mustache cake for his party!

I figured Uriah would probably like the cake anyway (one year olds don't really have opinions on how things look) so I would let him eat it this afternoon. We will still have a real shoot with Emma before his party, but I  had to snap some shots of him the first time! I'm sure you're not surprised, he had no reservations about digging in!

He even got a head start before I was able to sit him up on the table!

I'm not sure if he liked it or not..

And this was his tantrum when it was time to put up the cake.

Sweet isn't he?

I think he was born for birthday parties. Cake and ice cream has his name written all over it!

I can't wait to dawn our mustaches, mustache jewelry, mustache clothing and try really hard not to cry all day. It will be a blast and I think this little dude is just as ready :)

Now that he's one maybe its time for a baby GIRL?? Maybe.

Stay tuned, I'm sure on his birthday there will be a nice long tear stained post about the journey over the last year and lots of pictures!

What will he be?

Tobi and I are still praying for God's plan for our lives to unfold. We have been in touch with an organization that has a few orphanages in Sudan..and there's a good chance we will be headed there at some point this year. We don't know yet. We do know, that we are a little lot afraid. I'm sure you have seen the Joseph Kony videos..well the orphanages we would be helping at have had some scares with the LRA apparently. Aweessoooommeeee.. or not. Everything I have been reading about has been talking about getting out of your comfort zone, and that Jesus didn't call us to be safe. Ugh. Please keep us in your prayers, we have no idea whats in store. Who knows, maybe we aren't even supposed to go to Sudan. We shall see!

We told Tobi's parents a few nights ago about our plans, and Tobi mentioned how he would follow if God told him to move to Africa. (Doesn't he know you're not supposed to say stuff like that? Thats like, Hey God..can we please move?) I think its pretty funny, since that was something that made him very nervous about dating me in the beginning because he did not want to go to Africa to live. Anyway, it got me thinking about our sweet boy, and how much it would take to move him to a different country. How he would fend in a third world country, could we keep him from those horrible diseases, how would we feed him and not be able to prevent others from starving, how would his education suffer...but how he would see the love of Jesus in a way many adults never see, much less children. The thought of him seeing tangible love, God's provision, and people living out their faith in a real way which is something that is rare sadly, is enough to just about sell me on moving. Haha, don't misunderstand me..as of right now we are NOT moving anywhere, not even Africa. And it would probably take a lightning bolt with a note tied to it to tell me otherwise..maybe. But thinking about how Uriah could grow up vs how he probably will grow up in the states got me thinking on what he may be like one day when he's older. There are so many clues thus far in his little life, so I started going through pictures.This is what sweet Vestimus looks like now.

 Maybe he will be a bum..since he looks like one here. Haha Gotta keep those ears covered in the wind!

Maybe he will be an alligator hunter/wrestler and work along side Troy Landry (A girl can dream..)

 Maybe he will grow up to be a famous WWE Superstar (his daddy can dream too)

 Maybe he will be an animal rights activist.

 Maybe he won't do anything involving him dressing like this.

Maybe he'll be a drummer like his daddy. He absolutely loves when Tobi lets him play.

 Maybe he'll be a model where he has to lift up his shirt and show his abs. I think he's just about got the pose down!

My personal hope, Maybe he'll make us some money in the NFL but not before playing for the University of Alabama.



I'm sure everyone has "big dreams" for their child. Maybe Uriah will do something cool, like drive racecars, play music, sports, be the president..or maybe he will just be a regular guy. Married, with babies, working a warehouse job. I don't care what the boy does, I just hope he loves Jesus and his mama. (ok, and his daddy) And I promise to be proud of him no matter what. Unless he decides to go to college at Auburn or Tennessee. (Joking..joking..kind of.)

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for you feeling like CRAP after you read this.

Tonight, my heart  is a little sad. OK, a lot sad.
I've been itching for Africa so bad I can't think straight for months. Step after step has led  me to the next, and this week I stumbled upon (or slightly shoved by Marianne) the book Kisses From Katie. Marianne told me Brent bought it for her, and that I needed to read it...except she said it would have me living in Kenya before I finished it. I thought she was joking.
Jokes on me. Again.
The devastation she talks about in the book is covered in God's provision and grace, and I want to quit my life and move in with her. She doesn't have any men in her home or I would take Tobi and Uriah with me (kidding..). Then I talked to Brent yet again about a friend of his' organization that he founded for a few orphanages in Sudan...they have a blog. I shouldn't have read it.
www.hisvoiceglobal.com/blog/
Go to it.
Now.
Seriously, open in new tab, read the thing and come back.
I was in tears from the first bloated little naked belly I saw.
Something about me has ALWAYS had a tender heart for little babies and children and I can't explain it. (Katie talks about it in the book..and its like she's describing my convictions rather than her own) But something in me is amplified times a million now that I'm a mother. That first little bloated belly, that first set of dusty african feet, that first little face without a mommy to take care of it..I was ready to jump in a plane, run to them, put them in a tub in calming lavendar Johnson & Johnson bath time bubble bath, cuddle them up in a fuzzy blue towel and call them MINE.
You may not feel the same way.
I hope you do.
Funny thing is,  this week we got our taxes in. And we have been on a money spending spree ever since. Things that we "needed", a few new pieces of clothing. Amercian standards: we needed them. African standards:we have enough clothes in our home to clothe probably 50 people.
New shoes..because ours are "worn" American standards: we really should throw them out, they're tattered, some have holes and some just smell horrible. African Standards: We have enough shoes to keep 50 people's feet from getting cut or bruised or jiggers in them when they walk.
Part of me wanted to throw up when Katie mentioned in her book that before she left she would have easily dropped $100 on shoes, and that $100 could feed several families for months in Uganda.
Mood diminishing by the second.
Take some time with me to evaluate our priorities. Our lifestyles.
I'm in Target everyday. Sometimes its just for necessities like toilet paper, formula and baby food..but 85% of the time its to see if they have new cute clothes.
Below is a picture of a little girl who walked every day down a STEEP ravine carrying a five gallon bucket. When she got to the bottom, she would fill it up with unclean drinking water, and carry it back up the rocky ravine..barefoot. I don't know her name. I do know, that she is a child, and that she no longer has to do that. I'm sure she still goes and fetches water..but now its a clean source. It is at a well, and not at the bottom of a death trap. That's because of an organization called the 410 bridge. Because someone took God seriously when he told us to care for the poor. Because someone sacrificed a two dollar drink a day and instead invested their money and time and emotion into something that matters.

This is a baby named Patrick. He is lucky, he has a mother who takes care of him. Along with several other women who live in Karima, Kenya. There are SO many other babies, and children, and teens who do not have parents. Who didn't have someone to carry them on their back through the dirty roads, who didn't have someone feed them breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. I think of my Uriah, who has 3 jars of baby food for dinner on average, who drinks about 32 ounces of formula a day. It breaks my heart to think of little babies all over the world, not just in Africa, who don't get that.

Below is a small, pixelized picture of Emily (Wangeshi, my roommate) and a boy who I will never be able to forget. His name is Martin. He can not speak. He can not stand. Every day when we got to the school, hundreds of children ran up to us. There was a small language barrier so I'm sure from the outside looking in we all sounded pretty goofy saying "Hi, how are you?" over and over. On the second day, I believe, Three children approached me, and as I started to speak to them I noticed the one in the middle's hand was drawn up on one side. As I looked closer each of his legs were being propped up by the child on each side of him. I began to speak to him and the biggest, most beautiful smile I've ever seen spread across his face..Then a teacher approached quickly and informed me he could not speak and he didn't know what I was saying. My response "Thats ok, I think he does.". Today I read from the book of Mark, when the paralytic's friends brought him on his mat to Jesus..thats what I saw come to life that day. That boy's friends brought him out, they showed him the love of Jesus so he could see everyone, instead of being left behind because his legs didn't work. Because he was different. I'm baffled at how quickly I forget to be that kind of friend. How quickly I become selfish and don't want any part of helping others.

Today, my toenails are painted this exact color. But my feet have long ago washed off that kenyan dirt. I want my feet dirty again. I want to walk those roads for 4 hours again because Kenyan's are always late and we have to walk 98745235 miles to see a bridge that they are proud of. I miss DOING something. I miss loving on people. I'm aware I can do that here, and I plan on doing so. But I want my feet dirty, I want my hands dirty. I want to be known as someone who loves Jesus, and loves people more than things.

For the fifteenth time, I want dirty feet. Because dirty feet, are beautiful.

"And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Romans 10:15

One day I will learn to expect the unexpected..One day.

There are lots of things that I am not really all that fond of. Tonight's example:

 rap music.

Tobi and I went with some of our youth to the Rock and Worship Road Show last night and I will be honest, at first I was less than thrilled about the lineup. I was SORT OF excited to see Lecrae, but ONLY because my nephew likes them and I thought he might want to go. And I will admit, when he told me at Christmas that Lecrae was his favorite artist and he wanted his CD part of me cringed when I found out he was a rapper. What kind of 7 year old loves rap? Or 4 year old? Or 2 year old?

This week I kept them all, and we listened to LOTS of Lecrae. And I was kind of diggin it. OK, OK I liked it. And I loved that my two year old niece can sing it. So cute.

Anyway, we got to the show last night, and I was in less than high spirits. There's nothing like a Christian concert to get people good and mad and protective over their saved seats. And not to mention the less fortunate (us) who did not have seats, but no one would let us stand and watch. Every ten minutes someone would ask (or tell) us to move along because people couldn't see. I would have been more than happy to swap with them, and sit my lazy tail down and let them stand and SEE.

End Rant.

As you can tell, it was a little aggravating to me. I was ready to go, and the show wasn't half way over. Then we found a spot that no one kicked us out of, and it was time for Lecrae to go on.

There's something about seeing/hearing/meeting someone who you can genuinely tell is in love with Jesus, someone who doesn't want the fame or glory, someone who just wants to reflect the savior who they love. I have very few people that come to mind that really put off that type of vibe, and those people are SO special to me, and rare.  When Lecrae took the stage, I knew he was one of those people from the first words that came out of his mouth.

Later, he said " A lot of people have a problem with hip hop. They say its this really evil type of music, but its not the music that is evil. It is the hearts of men that are evil." BOOM. Tobias was screaming like a mad man, because that has always been said about hardcore. Its really really true. People have such a problem with things that are different. I don't dig hip hop. I have always associated it with people who are too busy stealing TV's, selling drugs, and pimpin' hoes (sorry for the stereotype) to learn grammar.

BUT

I like Lecrae. I like that he stands for something, but still makes music that is worth listening to. He makes me want to go buy the CD and its not my style. He didn't convert me to a rap fan, but he brought Jesus on stage with him, and I like Jesus. A lot. He was the only one I heard get up, and in the middle of his set pray that he would not find his worth in the applause of men, but that he would deflect the glory to the one who was worthy of it. That's raw. And that is real.

If you haven't heard the man, look him up. Watch the video (I apologize for the quality, but I like it better live) and if you're like me and can't understand half of what he said, look up the lyrics.

The first line says "Lord KILL me if I don't preach the gospel." WHAT? I don't know about you, but I just got a little uncomfortable. How many of you would rather DIE than lead people AWAY from Jesus by the way you live your life? You should have seen my face as I sipped my Dr.Pepper and heard those lines. I almost spit my drink everywhere. This song was in your face, real, and moving. God spoke to me more in that hip hop show than he did the rest of the concert.

In the spot I wasn't expecting.

 Imagine that.

Why You Shouldn't Bring A Baby To A Wedding

Tonight, this is how I feel.

A few hours ago, if you had offered me $20 I would have probably given you a red headed 8 month old AND all of his accessories. Now before you start making offers, I said a few hours ago. He's asleep now, and I like him again. He's sweet when he sleeps.

I think he's mad at me for not buying him the puppies we looked at today..because after we left empty-handed he lost his dadgum mind.

Do you ever fight with yourself over which route you should take to get somewhere? Tonight I did just that trying to decide how to get to a wedding. Should I just drive up 67 and change clothes at the church or should I hit the interstate and go home to change? I chose the interstate.

I chose wrong.

After about half a mile on the interstate traffic hit a dead stop. Didn't they know I had a wedding to get to? Uriah wasn't a fan either, because at the exact instant I realized I would not have time to go home and change, Uriah decided if he screamed at the top of his lungs it would move the traffic along.

About 8 minutes into the coasting on I65 and the screamfest I was living in in the car, I decided to just skip a step and change clothes in the car. After all, we were stopped..and I had an undershirt so there was no risk of exposing myself to a trucker or someone we go to church with. :)

45 Seconds after I tried to get the dress over my head wouldn't you know traffic picks back up. So I drove the rest of the way barefoot in a dress and blue jeans.

Don't forget, the screaming is still full throttle no matter how many times I put his pappy in his mouth.

We get to the church and Uriah needs new clothes. Changing him in the car is NOT working out so I get to bring my child, who stopped crying the minute I picked him up, into the church, in just a onesie and socks. In January. Thank GOD for Alabama weather.

By this point my whole body is hot, I'm pretty sure my face was red and I could feel my heart racing. I was legitimately getting angry with my tiny child.

I was getting ready to deal with the fact that he had become possessed and was about to turn green and do a pretty wicked backbend down some stairs.

Once he gets changed he's in a great mood..some would say too great. As if he were planning something..like taking over the wedding.

He sat so quietly..until they started. Then he wanted everyone to know that he had a "dada" and he knew how to say his name. Every time it got silent he burst out in "DADADADADADADADADADA" or just a squeal. A lady came in and sat down next to me with a baby. After Uriah yelled out what sounded like "I do" at one point(the lady laughed and asked if he really just said that or if she was hearing things), the lady leaned over to me and said "That's why we sat here, so they could talk to eachother". What I'm pretty sure she meant was "I came in and sat by your baby to make my baby look like an angel."

Ugh, Her and her good behaving baby.

I told everyone at the reception it was really her baby making all the noise.

Whoops.

I'll just be honest..all I really know about Leah and Michael's wedding was that it was decorated GORGEOUS. But that's only because I got to see all that before he started acting a fool.

During the ceremony, all I know that happened was Uriah yelled a lot and the baby next to him didn't. She made noises like twice and the mama gave her the paci and she shut up.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to start a business providing nursery workers for weddings. It would be a lot nicer of a wedding video without all the "dada"s.

Anyway, Leah, Sorry I missed your wedding even though I was there. I assume you did get married..because there was a reception. Honestly, I was in the room and probably wouldn't have even noticed if someone burst in at the "speak now or forever hold your peace" moment. Do they even do those in real life? I don't even know if I had one at my wedding..so don't feel too sad I didn't get to pay that close of attention at yours.

Fifteen blogs for the price of one.

There are three things in life that I am extremely consistent in: being inconsistent, facebook, and eating. I'm reeaaaally consistent with that last one. If it weren't for the scale adding pounds by the minute, I would seriously wait until next month to try to lose any of them.

I hate New Year's resolutions. Once again, I'm really consistent at being inconsistent. I tried setting resolutions a few years..didn't work. So I try not to set them now. I occasionally set little goals, and I try really hard not to set them in January.

This year, I was sort of embarrassed into one. Haha so I bought some sort of belly firming undergarment contraption at Dillard's on clearance because the delivery of my son left my body..um..less than ideal. I guess this makes me a REAL mom. (as if being cut in half to birth my 9lb 8oz baby boy didn't make me one.) All I need now are some super sweet Mom jeans. Anyway, the firming contraption indeed firms, and makes my belly look like a very tight,firm, 5months along pregnant belly.

But hey, its better than flab right? wrong.

I keep telling Tobi that I look pregnant. He's learned a lot since we got married..most importantly he's learned to lie. I always get the response "no you don't, you look beautiful!" "no way, you're skinny" or some other response not fit for a blog. He's learned its better to be nice than to have a crying wife who isn't speaking to you:)

Well turns out, I was right. I went to my home church last week to get Uriah after he spent the night with my parents. When I was there, a friend of ours came up and put her hand on my oh so firm belly and commented on my baby bump. ooooops! haha it probably embarrassed her more than me. One good thing pregnancy did for my body was even out my hormones apparently.For those of you who've known me for any extended period of time you know that I've been known to be..a little..umm..emotional. I used to go hide out in the bathroom and cry when my brothers made fun of me. HA! Somehow, instead of being humiliated and crying, I laughed off the mistake of my phantom pregnancy. Weird, huh? It did, however, make me decide to cut out the cokes and include excersise once again into my day. I ordered some more Advocare from my sales cousin Jeremy, and I have drank 47 gallons (or so it feels) of water today. Maybe I'll get these last ten baby lbs off (and the few I've gained since :/) and then some more.

My second little goal, isn't so little.

I've started reading my bible..all the way through. I don't know how many times I've attempted this. I always get a little bored starting at the beginning and quit. Embarrassing to admit! But this year I have a plan. Literally a plan, on my Bible App on my phone. I don't like reading the Bible on my phone, I can't concentrate and I don't feel like I'm really reading it. So I pull up the plan that has a reading from several different books everyday and read it from my leather bible..you know, the one with my name on it. :)

I think this way will be more successful. I'm reading from 4 different books of the Bible everyday, so I'm not overwhelmed with all the geneology. BUT get this: I actually learned things from the geneology this go round! Who knew there's actually meaning behind a list of a family tree? Its actually really cool to see how it all fits together.

Maybe my intentions have something to do with it.

I teach a girls small group on Wednesday nights (you'd never know it, we've been on sort of a break! Thank God we start back this week!) and one of the girls in the group gave me a devotional for Christmas. One of the first things I read from it was James 4:8 "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you."

I'm finding it more and more true. And its become my prayer daily.

If you think about it, pray with me. For me, and for yourself, and for the church as a whole. It may just make the difference on whether or not I finally complete a goal and become consistent in something other than facebook and eating. :)

Also, I keep up with a blog of a lady I've never met. Itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com (as well as several others) and she recently posted a blog about finding your passion. Then Haley Hensley posted a blog about the same blog. Ugh, Jesus likes to tell me things over and over until I get it. Am I alone in this? Lately my life has been a little...passionless. I'm content. I have a husband who makes each day better than the last, a sweet baby boy who's smile is the talk of the town, some youth I genuinely enjoy being around, not to mention a thousand other blessings.

I'm comfortable.

Too bad Jesus doesn't call us to be comfortable.

So where do I go from here? I'm now on a search for my passion. Lets be honest, my heart is in a precious country in Africa.

So I guess a more accurate description is I'm on a search for a specific purpose for my passion.

I had a brief text discussion with my brother today, about the Passion conference. (ironic?) and he told me there was a video I needed to watch from the conference about stopping sex trafficing.

I told him I sort of didn't want to watch it anymore. haha I just have a big heart for things like that. I mentioned that I couldn't even listen to my Daraja choir cd because it makes me miss Kenya and feel like a tool for living my life here and being focused on myself and my family when I've BEEN THERE. I have SEEN it with my own eyes. I've been a (very small) part of the change taking place.

His response: Do something about it.

Doesn't he know I have a child? And bills? I told him the truth. Tobi and I are talking about going back. Trying to figure out how, and when. We actually talk about it pretty frequently. Trouble is, we don't have 7 grand plus updated passports, shots, and bill money.

Brent's response? "Trust and obey.".

Sometimes I wonder why I even talk to him.

Please pray for us to follow God's guidance on actively pursuing the things God has given us a passion for.

As well as your own.

If you don't know what you're passionate about, ask God to reveal it. He's always faithful in doing so.